I once sold myself, I didn't know how much for
I once let everything go, just to find out I wanted more and more
There were times that I didn't know what to do, so much I wanted to say to you
There were times I tried to forget the past, move ahead, that didn't last
I was crushed twice, once by your lips and the next by ice
The heart feels what it will and it felt enough to melt
When it all broke loose I was too late everything had changed
The years passed and things got strange and life was all rearranged
Lessons were learned, things we're burned, and we returned
I think we can both attest that no stones were left unturned
The heart feels what it will and it felt enough to melt
I just need you to know that there is something that won't let me let you go
but now I know
It's fate and it's never felt so right
I'm somewhere else that's not with you, and I sure as hell don't want to be here tonight

Fuck Myspace. Here are the latest haps:

I have a date on Monday. A blind date to be exact. I talked to her for the first time tonight to set up a time to hang out. She seems nice enough. She likes camping and she has Kyaked a few times which is cool because I like to do that too. Oh her name is Tara. I pretty hyped. It's been a while since I went on a "date". So here is the story, my aunt Penny hooked us up. I got an eye exam the other day because I am getting new glasses and my aunt works at the office. I saw her and talked with her a bit. It was sort of strange because I haven't seen her in a long time. I don't see much of my Dad's side of the family. I left and a few days later I get a message from my aunt saying that she wanted to set me up with a girl she worked with. I called her back and told her to give her my digits. She did, Tara called. We'll see how it goes. I'm a little nervous but it'll be fun.

I get so distracted when I write theses entries. I hate it. So yeah, I'm getting new specks yo! They are going to look just like my old ones I had in fact I think it's the exact same frame. The are a black frame that got the buddy holly/emo kid glasses look. Sorry thats the best way I can describe them. They'll be a hell of a lot better than what I have now. I really hate these glasses. The lenses are so fucked up. I'm hyped about that too.

Here is the third thing I'm hyped about. Camping! I'm going to go camping for a few nights with the fam. Always fun times. Always relaxing. Although I'll probably be getting more and more anxious as Monday rolls around. I wish I could play the bongos. I bet I could learn pretty easy. I have good rhythm I just can't dance.

I bought Heroes season 2 the other day. I love that show. I was sadly disappointed to find out that there were only like 12 episodes. The first season had 22 or something like that. Lost is going to be that way from now on too. They are cutting back on episodes. So lame. Beggars can't be choosers.

I had to take this weird survey today at work. It asked all sorts of questions about my personal life. Not anything super personal but way to personal for work. It wasn't anything bad but it just made me wonder. I used Freddy in the survey, don't worry freddy I didn't use your name. It was funny because it asked a question about who you talk to most about work and non work related stresses and I was like "Fuck, Freddy and I used to dish like 13 year old girls." I miss those days of coming home and talking to Freddy all about work and listening to qdoba gossip, or conversations about crazy shit. There is a lot I miss about that house, but a lot more that I don't.

All in all things seem to be well on this end. There are a few things I need to work on still but it's all like a knot. You have to loosen a few ends here and there first.

I had my best friends wedding this past weekend, it was sweet. I don't want to talk about it too much here cause I already did in my myspace journal. What I do want to mention is that I met a girl, while I was there. Her name is Emily. Needless to say I think I have a crush on her. We got to know each other a little bit during the wedding, she was maid of honor and I was the best man. I don't know how but I managed to be all brave and ask if she wanted to hang out again sometime before I left on Saturday. I didn't really expect myself to do so, it just sort of happened. I got her number and waited a day or two and called her. My first instinct was to call her that night, but I knew I had to play it cool. She seemed to be into me. I don't really want to read into it all too much, but to be honest I can't stop thinking about her. Not in a bad way but more in a good way. I just really want to learn more about who she is. I'm anxious. It's not all the time that a girl sparks my interest like she did. Anyway I called her last night and I was SUPER nervous. I played it cool though and asked if she wanted to do something this weekend. She siad she didn't know what was really going on but that she would get a hold of me later on in the week. I think the thing that I'm most nervous about is that A. Shes not interested, in which case, well thats how it goes. or B. That I'm going to over think things and somehow fuck it up. I know that I've done it before. Either I move too fast, or what ever reason. I don't want that this time. I may be anxious but I want to take it slow. We'll see how it goes. The brain is saying go get her, but the heart is saying be patient, and the gut says worry. I'm sticking with the heart. Heres hoping.

As the band Staind says "It's been a while..." I fucking hate Staind. They make me depressed. Anyway last time I left off I was about to move into another place in Grand Rapids and was being bummed about the IT job. All I have to say is that good things come to those who wait. Right now I am writing this from MY OWN PLACE. I moved out of Grand Rapids and I am now living in Zeeland Michigan. If you know anything about Zeeland you know that it's the complete oppsite of Grand Rapids. It's a small town, a dry town (you can't even return beer cans/bottles at Family Fare!), everything closes at 9 I swear I'm not even kidding. Actually now that I think about it, Zeeland isn't a dry town, they have a pizza place just down the street that sells beer. You chould come check it out it's all the rage! Haha. Don't get me wrong though, I love it. I'm just still getting used to the quiet life still, even though I have been here for a month already. I'm just used to there being a billion bars, a night life and noise. I really needed to move out of my house. I wasn't going anywhere, it wasn't bad I just wasn't going anywhere. I worked at a job that I was good at but didn't pay well and I slowly grew to hate it. I lived in a house where the main focus was to smoke pot all day, drink all night and never pay bills, and I was content with it. Thats not what I wanted though. I'm not going to lie, I had some great times and I love every one of my roomates. I had to grow up though. I got a job at a bank now that pays me well and I get to sit down all day and be challenged once again. I love it. I have a house where the food is still in the fridge and it's quiet when I want it to be. I live closer to my family and I get to see them a lot more and I stay away from the things that held me back. It's different but it's also good. Kinda boring at times. I don't really have any friends here, which sucks. I guess that will come in time. Still don't have a girlfriend. I wish I did. I watched Knocked up tonight and it made me all sad and lonesome. The movie was funny and great, so funny, but it made me lonley. I figured out that when I was living in Grand Rapids I thought "Oh I'm on my own I can have a girlfriend and we can have lots of sex and she can sleepover and it'll be awesome." I wasn't ready for that. Like I said earlier I was smoking pot and getting shitfaced all the time. I was just being dumb, waiting for someone to come along and change me for the better. There were a few who tried, and I fucked it up. I'm not getting down on myself here but looking back....shit. I don't regret it though. I only have one regret and it's not something I'm going to go into, well make that two. Still I'm not going into those. You live and learn, right? Right now I am in a much better place than I was, so much better. If you would have told me a month and a half ago I'd be where I am right now I'd probably have taken another bong hit and said "Dude, so you're like from the future? Woah!" So all in all I'm really doing well. I got my shit together feeling like an adult and being happy and that's all I really wanted.

I was all excited about moving out and being somewhere different, then I realized that I couldn't afford it. Well I could but I have more important matters at hand that need to be dealt with. Like getting my car fixed and ready for winter and the dentist. Both of which I am sure will not be cheap. I interviewed for a Computer Tech/ IT job the other day. It's still for Goodwill however it's not full time. Such a killer. I have wanted to do IT (infromation technology) for years. Well I have also wanted to do "it" for years, but thats for another entry. I'd love to take it but I need to have full time employment. It will be full time eventually but not right now. I would love to take the position. Hmmm....I really need to think about that one, I'll just realize that I can't afford it though.

I need to be sleeping right now. I took a two hour nap eralier. It was great but I got pissed because I slept so long. I was crabby too when I woke up. I yelled at my roomate who didn't deserve it. The smell of his food did turn my stomach for some reason. I am watching U.S. vs John Lennon and I started thinking "Who the hell would shoot John Lennon?" The dude was all about peace. Mark David Chapman you are a pice of shit. Same goes for you Yoko.

So things got sort of crazy the last few days. Two awesome things will more than likely be happening soon. My friend asked me to move in with them. These dudes are super clean and responsible. The rent will be $100 more but it's well worth it. Next month I will be paying off a huge bill that I have been making payments on. That bill is $100 a month. Put two and two together and you can see that I'd be stupid not to move. I'm doing fine right now with what I have. I pretty sure I'm going to do it. The only things that would stop me were if I had to pay a security deposit. Then I probably couldn't. this brings me to my next piece of good news though. Recently an IT position has opened up at work. I have wanted to get into IT forever. I'm a computer nerd what can I say. Besides, that's where money is. I asked my boss about it and he told me that I should wait on it for a while because it's pretty fresh still. So I did, I took his advice and just sort of let it be. Today the IT guy came to fix our computers. My boss came to me after he left and said, I talked to the IT guy and told him that you were interested. He said that there is an entry level opening. I told him that you were interested and he said that you'd be a good candidate for the position. I was shocked. To be honest I didn't think that my boss would even remember me talking to him about it. Usually he doesn't. Then I was totally floored at what he said next. "I told him you obviously needed to have at least full time and a decent pay, at least what you make now. He said that it was only for part time as of now and that the pay was undecided. However, they did need someone full time and he would talk to the head honcho and see if he could get someone full time." I realized at this point that my boss probably hates that store as much as I do but knows that he needs to keep it running because it's the goldmine store. I believe he's on his way out too. He's got something else going with a friend of his and it seems to be working. I also think him being so cool is because I don't fuck around. I slack sometimes but when I work, I WORK. I am a machine when it comes to work. I do what he asks and don't complain. Sure It's a bitch sometimes, but you got to do it. He knows I'm not a huge fan of our third assistant manager, and that Alison and I are the dynamic duo. It is going to be a lot of weight on my shoulders when she cuts back her hours and eventually quits. Which means that it's going to suck before it gets better. However it looks like things might be getting better. A lot better.

Haven't been here in a long time. Too many people read my other blog, I can't really speak open there. Seriously I don't know what I am doing right now, as far as life goes anyway. I know what I am doing right this second, typing, but I'm a little lost. I have all sorts of options in front of me lately. Most of them probably for the better, and I want them. I am just sort of afraid of making that change. With out getting into way to many details I am in need of a new job, and living situation. I am almost sure that these two choices will allow me to fix a lot of other things. I'm burned out on pretty much everything right now. To the point of when I wake up I know that it's just going to be the same shit, the same stress, the same walls, the same day. I need to pause here and say that I am not depressed, well not crazy depressed anyway, just blah. I'm just stuck in routine, or should I say RUT-ine. *imitates drum rim-shot*Ba Dap Zing! Ok so I am going to get into detail. As I always do here...here's what I want:

I want a well paying job. I'm not asking for a lot of money, unless they want to give it to me, just enough to be able to eat healthy and do fun things every now and then. I want to be able to pull myself out of bed in the morning with out thinking "I should call in sick." I want to be able to make my morning breakfast and afternoon lunch with out having to clean gross-ness. I want to be able to wash a dish without first having to move a pile of dirty dishes I didn't create. To be able to make my coffee in a clean coffee maker, and be able to take a shower and still have a full pot. I want to quit smoking for God's sake. When I start my car I don't want it to beep and tell me things like, "I'm broken." As far as my job goes I really don't care what I do as long as I am happy doing it. Low stress is a plus, so are normal people. I want to come home and walk into a house that doesn't smell like whatever gross spices people cook with, smoke, dirt or beer stink. Have my kitchen counter as clean as it was the night before I cleaned it. To open my fridge find all my food that I had bought. A washer and dryer, shower that doesn't leak and a bathroom that is cleaner than a public restroom. I want to be able to pay bills that aren't outrageous because someone left the lights on for a week straight. I'd like to have someone ask me if I wanted to go out for coffee instead of to the bar, or just hang out. A girlfriend would be nice. I also miss having nice things without the fear of them being broken. Falling asleep with out having to drown out music, or yelling. Being able to type something like this post with out worrying who's going to peer over my shoulder and be offended. "Really. It's not so much you, as it is me. I'm just ready for something different." Last but not least I want to make a mix to portray how I am feeling right now.


Handcuffed to the Bishop

01. No Key No Plan - Okkervil River
02. Just A Thought - Gnarls Barkley
03. A Boy Like Me - Patrick Wolf
04. Close To Me - The Cure
05. I Know There's An Answer - Beach Boys
06. Worried Shoes - Daniel Johnston
07. Ain't No Sunshine - Bill Withers
08. God's Gonna Cut You Down - Johnny Cash
09. Stevie Nix - The Hold Steady
10. Here's Your Future - The Thermals
11. What Wonder - Little Wings
12. A Lot Of Moving - The Avett Brothers
13. Song Against Robots - Broken Family Band
14. In The Attic - The Arcade Fire
15. Worst Day Since Yesterday - Flogging Molly
16. Bottom Of The World - Tom waits

Been sooooooo long. No real catch up post. I'm just doing Brad things and trying to figure it all out. I'm ready, I just gotta do it. It's nothing crazy those of you reading. I'm just in the midst of getting shit straightened out.

Today was a crazy day at work. Usual saturday. However I have noticed that my job got a lot easier once we actually had our proper staff. It's been a long time coming. Although it was crazy, it all seemed easy too. I really do like our revamped staff. There seems to be positive vibe in the air that hasn't been there in a looong time. I just hope that I'm making Cali do all the work while I chill. However I don't think I do, I work pretty hard. I'm happy with the staff though. The rest is still the same I work for idiots. I need to rant for a second here. I came from a well run goodwill store and moved to a not so well run store. They recently started to try new things and these things work good, but you have to do things right in order for it all to come together. Am I saying I could do a better job? Yeah, I am. That's my rant.

We had a party last saturday. What is sad is that I really don't have friends to invite. I mean I do, and I should have, but I didn't. I should have invited Allison and Dan. It was pretty fun. I drank, saw friends I haven't seen in a long time, went undefeated in my whole 2 games of beer pong, ya know did party things. The girls from next door came over which was pretty cool. I kicked people, who no one knew, out at about 4. It was a good time. Jake's friend puked in his room though. Gross.

Survey Question: What is the easiest thing to do?
Jake: Fuck up

So I am really going to try to write in this more. Haha we'll see how that goes.

WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? Around 2am
WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? My Cd's
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? Cookies IF YOU DIED TOMARROW? Tomarrow? is that like bone marrow from a guy named Tom? If I died tomorrow that would suck but I think I'd be alright with it because I can say that I led a good life and had some good times and treated people like I want to be treated. But I don't want to I still have a lot to do.
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY
MEAN TO YOU? show them with an interpitave dance.
BLONDE, REDHEAD, OR BRUNETTE? I don't really care I'd say brunette, but a cute redhead will win every time
WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? My mom
WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Being asked questions that people already know the answer too
HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Hell yeah. My sister and I used to dial a random number and pretend that we were a little kid lost at the grocrey store and try to get people to come and get us so we can find our mommy. Man we were horrid.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? Be sober.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Steak and...some head? hah cookies and a record
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING BLOOD? Play some Slayer...If I owned any.
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? The singer from Sublime. Not really but that'd be rad wouldn't it.
WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE? Why? Are you going to cut the rest off? In that case all of them *gives the finger*
WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? A JoJo cd. I love that song "Leave"
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? hmm...good question. yeah I would be. but I'd be like man that kid's a dork.
WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Sadly....work
WHAT CLASS IN SHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS? well whoever typed this survey must have hated english.
WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? too much, thats why I don't have one
WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? B-Unit, Mr. Brad, Professor Doctor Motherfucker, Duce Wang, Breddy,B, Awesome
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Only if I cant pull them off
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? black and green
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Spank Rock
LAST THING YOU ATE? Cookie Crisp Cereal
THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? ass and eyes
FAVORITE DRINK? Slurpees
FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Oberon or Blue Moon mmmm so good
DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? yes they suck I want my old cool ones back
FAVORITE FOOD? Everything, cookies
SIBLINGS? I sister and 1 step sister and a brother in law
ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? yeah, but it depends
SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer
RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationship
FAVORITE BOARD GAME? trivial pursuit beer pong
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? The same thing I fall asleep to most nights Adult Swim or cops
DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? Yes everyone in the world NEEDS to. I could care less, in fact I'm not going to answer these questions because you asked that question.

I really have nothing to talk about, I'm just trying to waste time until freddy and Boner get home. They better come back soon because I want to hang a bit before I have to go to bed. They have a time frame of about an hour and a half as of now. Life has been pretty good latley. I do have allergy/cold problems right now. I have an annoying cough which I wish to kill with deep longing. I made my first car payment this month and it really wasn't too bad. We'll se how much my song changes once December comes along and I have to also pay insurance and christmas presents. Err I love christmas but I also hate it so much. I'm really into Podcasts latley. I'm a huge fan of Pottercast, which is all about Harry Potter. It's not boring and it's pretty entertaining to tell you the truth. The Penn Gellete(sp? Yes the penn of Penn And Teller) show is super dope too. Of corse I listen to the Official Lost Podcast and a few other lost podcasts. There is one more that I feel I need to promote and thats a show called Free Talk Live. It's a libertarian lead show but it's pretty open minded and fair. It's really interesting. I love my Ipod!

I recently remembered that I have approxmitley 98 hours of vacation time. I really need to use some up. The hard part is that I don't really need to take time off that often. I don't go on vacations with the family much anymore, or go anywhere really with anyone. I do have a life but I just don't use my vacation time. I do however like to wake up everyday and spend about 5 minutes deciding weather I want to go to work or not. Thats the first thing I think when I wake up, seriously. Not because I loathe work so much, but just because I know that I can call in and more than likley get away with it, and because I have 98 vacation hours. I'd say I decide to not go to work 2% of the time I am faced with this situation. Hmmm. I should watch Conan now. I hope I don't fall asleep while watching it.

Alright peace out

Lost season 2 came out today!! Sweet. I have been so lost with out my LOST. Ha what a lame joke. Seriously though, I have been craving LOST since last season ended. There have been so many nights I'm sitting around with my roomates and out of nowhere someone is just like "Man I wish I could watch LOST/that episode right now." Now I can. *sigh* Welcome to the next 2 weeks of my life. God I'm a friggin nerd. Such a dope show though. There is this website called Lostpedia.com and it's total "in-depth hadrcore lost geekdom" I love it. I was there for 3 hours reading stuff when I first heard about it from Freddy. Sorry to rant on and on about LOST but thats my shit! You don't even understand.

I really need to figure out how to get this Blog working right so all my entries look the same. It seems that every post is different in text size or all blod or something. I don't like it. I need structure, and coolness. It just looks all messed up.

In other news, I'm patiently waiting for my letter to come that says I am no longer a slave to the man and I am free to do what I want. I'm talking aobut of course my letter stating that I'm done with my probation. I went in for my last P.O. appointment Aug. 25 and she said that I was done with everything but I wouldn't be off of probation officially until I got my letter form them in the mail. It was supposed to arrive within a week to a week and a half. I thought I't be here for sure today but I am guessing that It'll be here tomorrow because of Labor Day. If not tomorrow it's got to come this week, unless their just fucking with me and making me wait because they can (I'm sure thats exactly what their doing). Either way I'm waiting and anxious and that makes it 10 times longer.

So a coworker of mines husband was apparently talking some shit about me saying that I was weak and gay because he's never seen me with a girl, blah blah blah. I heard this through a sort of trusted source and I'd believe that this dumbfuck would say something stupid like that. First of all I'm not gay, I like girls very very much, epsecially cute emo girls with tats and nice asses. Just because I'm a social retard around girls I think are super cute doesn't make me gay, it makes me socially retarded. Second of all this guy doesn't know shit about me. For all he knows I could be the kingpin pimp of the world, slapin' the hoes and stackin' the dough. I'm not , but how would he know. Shit people don't know me. Confedentially I AM CRAZY AND I'LL FUCKIN' KILL YOU. Sorry quote for the Chappelle Show. Third of all I really could care what he says. Talk all you want, I could care less. It's all Charlie Brown wha whas to me. I know I'm awesome. Besides I'm way better off than him. His wifes an idiot and mental and looks like a guy and he's a total Gomer looking perv. I'm being kind of mean to his wife (his wife's always been nice to me) but I'm also telling the absolute truth. I mean she Barks and Meows with another employee like their actually having a conversation. This isn't like a "Oh it only happened once." type thing either. They do it EVERY day sometimes all day. I don't know why I really typed all that out if I don't care what he said, I guess it got to me enough to rant about it, but really I could care less. I'm not trying to impress him. I'm awesomeer.

Speaking of girls...where are they all at? I mean damn, I used to know a lot of hot girls and see them on a constant basis. It's like I fell off the hot girl territory cliff and plumeted into socially challenged lake. I'd like to try and throw some game down and mabey try and land myself a good girl. I don't like clubs and I haven't been to a bar in God knows how long and even then I'm just not down with the "meat market" sort of scene. Maybe I need to start going to shows again. I dunno. I need some hot girls who want me to spit some game to them. You know girls who understand that I'm awesome.

Ok the awesome thing. I'm really not that full of myself. I am pretty cool but I just like to pretend I'm super rad. It was a joke between Katie and I at work one day that just sort of turned into an inside joke. One day I just proclaimed I was awesome, joking around of course, and was just way full of myself all day. So it just became this running joke. It's sort of like how I like to pretend to be a thug, tough guy/badass, because if you really know me you know that I'm really not like that. It's my shtick. I'm also very sarcastic.

Whatever....fuck you

I feel sort of crappy right now. I think whatever Boner mad for dinner didn't sit well with me. Gave me a wicked case of heartburn. I think I need to go see a doctor sometime soon because I think I have some sort of stomach thing wrong with me. I'm feeling a little better after taking some tums though.

I haven't posted latley because Comcast doesn't like us. Apparently there is this thing called a bill and wouldn't you know, it comes to your house every month. What amazed me more is that they expect you to pay this "bill" every month. When they said a bill would be coming to my house every month, I thought that they were going to send some dude named Bill over my house to party with us. I was like "Sweet, A new friend!" Man was I wrong.
I'm back online though for at least another month so no worries kids (ha I'm talking as if I have millions of fans reading this when I know only five or so people actually read this, and half of them don't, thats right .5 I'm talking to you!.) Anyway...

Big news! I got a car today! It's a 2001 VW Jetta, and it's PIMP! I can finally hold my head up high as I drive past all the cute girlies around the way. No more cargo net tailgate, no more making people think that my car is about to fall apart around me, no more using a pliers to roll down the window (better yet no more having to roll down the window if I don't want to do so). NO MORE TRUCK. Although I am geeked about this super pimp ride, I must say a few words to honor the hard years my beloved "The Noise" has endured. So I wrote this letter:


Dear The Noise,

Ever since our first encounter in 1998 I was in love with you. Your pretty red shiny metal body always seemed to sparkle in the sunlight. The soft fabric and coushiony goodness of your seat always made me feel so at home. I loved the way you always held a special place for my ass that fit perfect. I will always fave fond memories of giving you baths, and feeding you that delicious oil you loved so much. We had so many good times together. All the adventures to Detroit, the stary night drives through the country side coming back from Allendale hoping we didn't come across a deer, the beach, the trails, the bog-outs and smoke sessions in the garage, all the winters you never crashed...I'll never forget any of it. As I type this right now every noise you ever made to earn your namesake runs through my head and it makes me weep. You don't know how hard it was for me to just leave you behind today. Sure, I probablly so happy when I got into that "new" car, but inside I died a little. It makes me sad to think that your parked in a dark car lot next to a highway, just feeling so abandoned, asking yourself "Why!? Why, God, does it have to be this way!? Why doesn't he love me?" Well I'll tell you why, you turned into an old piece of shit that I was embaressed to be seen in that had more problems than George Bush in an angry Arab mob in the black ghetto. I still love you though and I always will. As long as we don't lose the dream we'll never forget. I'll miss you buddy.

P.S. Fuck you. Only a little, but still fuck you.

Why does Brad need a girlfriend? All He ever does is play video games, watch T.V., or stare at a computer screen.

I ate a fish taco today, I thought you could only get those in Cali, but I was wrong. It was really good.

I really like watching Cops when they do super long marathons on Court TV. I hate watching Cops when it's only a half hour long because it leaves me feeling unfufilled.

Took a trip to Goodwill dontown today and almost bought the movie The Wizard. If you don't know about this movie it's stars a young Fred Savage who has a brother thats really good at video games. The brother competes in a big video game contest and plays super mario brothers. They also use the Nintendo power glove. It's old school goodness. When I looked at the tape though it had mold or something on the actual tape inside. I was bummed.

I played too much Mario Kart witth my roomates today that games is like crack.

I have to drop every week next month for my probation. Not because I did anything bad, just because. I really don't mind doing it but every week on a specific day makes things dificult with work and what not.

We got our dryer fixed a few days ago but now out washer is messed up. It washes and everything but when it's done the clothes are super soaked. I think it doesn't do the spin cycle anymore.

Boner is funny. I like to hear him rap to Ridin' Dirty or It's Goin' Down because he knows all the words.

I hate the new Lil' Jon song. HATE IT! it's on every time I turn on WSNX.

I have awesome shit on my door. I have a card my sister gave me with an old couple sitting at a table and the old guy is wearing a party hat and copping a feel on his wife's boob. Then I have the Paris Hilton picture with her wearing a t-shirt that says I <3 Brad that I made. I have a B-Unit name tag that I made that's written in the G-unit cursive lettering style. Then I have 2 random notes that people wrote me. One says "I think my Brad's gone crazy" which is a play on an Eminem song that says "I think my Dad's gone crazy" and the other I actually wrote and put on Boners door and somehow it ended back on my door as a word baloon for the Paris Hilton pitcure that says "I was born with two buttholes" I always crack up when I hear that cause it strikes me as funny and sad. I have a lot of srtange things. I have an underware Jesus actoin figure taped to my computer, 3 creepy teeny tiny miniture babies on a string someone gave to me at work (yeah weird), a bunch of lego Xpods, a stuffed animal greatful dead bear and now a headache...I'm done with this entry.

**If you couldn't tell I am really bored and random, I just wanted to write about my fish taco experience and couldn't just write that and be done. It's all about quantity not quality tonight. Sorry if I wasted your time. (Evil Laugh)***

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? I was riding on the pegs of a friends bike when another friend of mine decided it would be funny to rub tires (Rub the front tire of a bike with the back tire of someoneelses). the dude riding the bike swerved and i flew off the back and slid down the road.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? Music posters, my tupac t shirt, some 45's, a picture of paris hilton wearing a t shirt that used to say vote or die that i changed to say "I <3 Brad"

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE? Stupid, I miss my old flip phone with the Dr.Dre ringtone

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO? Everything from Hip Hop to Country and everything in between. I'm a music nerd.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? Around 2am

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? To not have to get up at 5am tomorrow

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES? smoking pot, but not enough to go back and do it.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION? My Cd's

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? Cookies

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? Not usually. Sometimes I do at way too crowded parties.

11. IF YOU DIED TOMARROW? Tomarrow? is that like bone marrow from a guy named Tom? If I died tomorrow that would suck but I think I'd be alright with it because I can say that I led a good life and had some good times and treated people like I want to be treated. But I don't want to I still have a lot to do.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? um...having to tell my mom I got arrested...so myself I guess

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME? I like this Armani stuff I had but Axe is what I use a lot.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Hot girl hair that is messy yet always looks perfect no matter what.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT? Your moms house, I dunno. It'd be cool for some girl just to randomly be like lets get married on a nice summer day in the afternoon. I like randomness.

16. DO YOU WATCH PORN? only if it's good.

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON YOU MADE MAD? Probablly someone at work.

20. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE? no

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU? I really don't know. For my birthday this year my roomate Boner bought the house ninja turtle masks and pop tarts...oh and beer

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Probablly, in fact I think it has happened a few times.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? show them with an interpitave dance.

30. WRITE A NUMBER FROM 1 TO A 1000? I can't write I'm on a computer so seven hundred and nintey two point one six

31. BLONDE, REDHEAD, OR BRUNETTE? I don't really care I'd say brunette, but a cute redhead will win every time

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? My mom

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Being asked questions that people already know the answer too

34. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Hell yeah. My sister and I used to dial a random number and pretend that we were a little kid lost at the grocrey store and try to get people to come and get us so we can find our mommy. Man we were horrid.

39. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY? Watching the end of a movie called Phonebooth which is probablly the cheapest movie ever made. It's kind of crappy but entertaining...sort of.

40. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Ass implants

41. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY? Because I have no life and I need to do something dull to make me fall asleep

42. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PIZZA? haha the last person who filled this out answerd "Jews." I'm humored and offended at the same time. I like cheeze or peporoni

43. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL? Be sober.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? Steak and some head...sorry I just remembered about Freddy and I's steak and blowjob day conversation. Cookies and ben and jerry's chubby hubby

45. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT SUDDENLY STARTED RAINING BLOOD? Play some Slayer...If I owned any.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? The singer from Sublime. Not really but that'd be rad wouldn't it.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? no

48.WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE? Why are you going to cut the rest off? in that case all of them *gives the finger*

49. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? after I got arrested when I made my mom cry when I told her I got arrested. I didn't like it.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? um none really.

52. ANY BAD HABITS? smoking

53. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF? A JoJo cd. I love that song "Leave"

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? hmm...good question. yeah I would be. but I'd be like man that kid's a dork.

55. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL? yeah

56. DO LOOKS MATTER? somewhat

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Listen to Screamo. I really don't get angry all that often. Lifes to short. Oh wait touch my cookies or Ice Cream and you WILL DIE!!

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Sadly....work

59. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY? It depends

61. WHAT CLASS IN SHOOL DO YOU THINK IS TOTALLY USELESS? well whoever typed this must have hated english.

62. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? um...your on it. I also have a less updated one on MYSPACE

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? Yes dry scarcasm

64. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT? Many times

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? too much, thats why I don't have one

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? B-Unit, Mr. Brad, Professor Doctor Motherfucker, Duce Wang, Breddy,B, Awesome

67. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? probablly not

68. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Only if I cant pull them off

69. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS? yeah

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Oh god, um...choclate

71. What is your sign? Taurus

72. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS? black and green

73. HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE? none their gone yo

74. WHO DO YOU MISS MOST RIGHT NOW? my "Pilly Pillowcase"

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? Yes everyone in the world NEEDS to. I could care less, in fact I'm not going to answer these questions because you asked that question.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Spank Rock

77. LAST THING YOU ATE? Cookie Crisp Cereal

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Some D-Bag at the work phone

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX? ass and eyes

80. DO YOU LOVE THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS? no, they cant's spell

81. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Redy for bed

82. FAVORITE DRINK? Slurpees

83. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK? Oberon or Blue Moon mmmm so good

84. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT? Do video games count? Basketball.

85. HAIR COLOR? Mine? Brown

86. EYE COLOR? Brown

87. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES? yes they suck I want my old cool ones back

88. SIBLINGS? I sister and 1 step sister and a soon to be brother in law

89. FAVORITE MONTH? May

90. FAVORITE FOOD? Everything, cookies

91. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Phonebooth

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Labor Day

93. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT? yeah but it depends

94. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer

95. HUGS OR KISSES? Kisses

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationship

97. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? Nerds Like me

98. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? People cooler than me

99. FAVORITE BOARD GAME? trivial pursuit beer pong

100. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? The same thing I fall asleep to most nights Adult Swim or cops

...and this is about as social as I get now. Oh the joy of listening to Dashboard Confessional. Call me lame, call me emo to the max, call me whatever but I don't think I could ever get sick of Dashboard. Those first two albums are so great and I don't care what anyone says I LOVE them. I think the part I love the most is driving around with this whiny-cry-me-some-stars-and-broken-hearts music and singing along at the top of my lungs. Thats right I know every fucking word. Well now that I lost about 50 cool points I have to regain them.

A few days ago I bought a Nintendo DS Lite(Does that regain cool points?). It's dope. Of course I can't afford cool games for it like Mario Kart DS or Metroid Prime Hunter, but in due time I will. For Now I can deal with having Tony Hawk American Sk8land (which I beat in 3 days because it's way to easy) and Tiger Woods PGA Tour. I also got Super Mario Bros. 2 for throwback purposes. I used to play the crap outta that game back in the day. I wanted to get a PSP, but the price is so high, the games are pretty much the same as the games for the PS2, and I already have a portable DVD player and an Ipod. Besides all that shit will soon be avaliable for the DS in a while. I heard that they are going to release a web browser and a TV tuner card for the DS shortly. Awesome! I made a good choice.

I heard a rumor today from a lady at work that in Oct. they are going to drop the Michigan Drivers Responsibility Fee. This is such great news, if it's true of course. Nothing would make me happier than to be done shelling out money. Not to say that I don't deserve it, because I fucked up, but it'd help out a lot. I also heard that they are going to be refunding the money to people currently paying their D.R.F. thats already been paid to the state. This I'm not to sure of. The state is greedy. They may end the D.R.F. but they aren't going to give the money back thats already been paid, it doesn't make sense. Hell I'd be extatic if they just dropped whatever I had left to pay. However if they do want to refund me the money I paid in already they can do that too. I'm going to have to do some research after I'm done with this to see what I can find out about all this. I could ask my Probation Offcer on Wed. but I don't think she'll tell me even if it was true.

Ugh, I'm really tired right now but I can't take a nap. I have to get up at 5:30AM tomorrow to go to work and if I take a nap I'll be up till about 2AM and be even more tired tomorrow. I just realized that I have to get up at 7ish on Wed. for my P.O. appointment, and thats on my day off. This friggin sucks. Oh well.

I didn't quote Dashboard tonight just because I LOVE it. The statement rings true for me right now. I'm off my restricted license so I can go wherever I want to, but really I have no where to go. I'm trying to save money so I can get a better car so I can't go shopping really, I don't have anything cool to do outside that I'm into. My close friends live with me, I really don't know any girls I can go visit or have a girlfriend or even have a girl to be interested in. The ones I do know all pretty much get a thumbs down for being dumb, (with the exception of a few of course) I guess I need to get my mack on again or something. Here is the problems though, and I have discussed this many times with Boner and he's with me. There really aren't many places to meet girls around here. There's the bar, we all know how that works out. Super-Slutty, Taken, or just a plain bad idea. I can't go there anyway, at least not for another 6 months. Theres the coffee shops, to those I say ehh. I don't like hanging around coffeeshops by myself waiting for cute girls...sounds kind of creepy. There's work. No ones I work with is remotley close to being dateable. Either dumb as a box of rocks, or old, or just a work friend. Besides that gets wierd. Ok well theres still the people who come into my work right? Yes working at Goodwill I do see many attractive girls or cool girls whom I could befriend, how ever I'm at WORK!I can't hit on girls when I'm at work! Epsecially when I'm a Manager and I have everyone watching me. Sometimes when I even talk to a girl that I know I see them in the corner like a pack of salavating dogs waiting for me to get done talking so they can rip me up. Not that I can't take it, cause I can however Some of these people don't know when enough is enough. Sometimes I have to hear about shit for months on end. So annoying. I know there are other places but it's really no use I got an excuse for em all. Haha. I guess it doesn't help that I'm not all out going and trying to be a super pimp or something. It would also help if I had someone I was interested in. Right now I have no one who isn't dating someone, far away, got a little too much crazy to them, or someone I hardly ever see. Hmmm maybe I'm just lazy or maybe I have to high of standards? I'm sure it's some of column A and some of column B mixed with some of everything-else-I- don't-feel-like-bitching-about-because-I'm-a-little-of-column-A. OoooHoo, tricky Brad. If I see something worth throwing the line out there I'll go for it, until then I say to myself "Bitch on Brad, Bitch on."

I'm Super Pissed Right Now! Yesterday I bought some Ben And Jerry's Ice Cream and I put it in the fridge for today and someone ate it. I'm not happy at ALL. Who does that? I know who and their going to catch holy hell when I see them. You don't fuck with two things of Brad's. His ice cream and his cookies. Those are the two hands off items I will kill for. So now I have to take a shower, and got to Meijer again if I want the kind I had (which is sort of far). Fuck!

Last night was super fun. I got home from the meeting which actually turned out to be pretty fun and short, and all the roommates were home. Freddy and Bones went to get beer and Jake and I just chilled. When they got back we decided that it was too nice outside to sit in front of the TV all night so we played Bocchie Ball in our back yard and drank. It was the most fun I had in a long time. We all got pretty drunk and Boner tackled pretty much everyone for no apparent reason. There was wrestling for a while and then it got dark so we went inside and drank and played soul claibur and then watched lost. Fun times.

So latley I have been way into this group called Spankrock. It's dope dance/hiphop/rap. Total party music. I love it. Download the song called "Touch Me" or "Bump". So awesome. I also have been getting into Goldfrapp slowly but surley. I don't like everything I've heard but I think it's growing one me cause I can't stop listening to it.

I bought the 3rd season of Reno 911! That show is so funny. I bet it'd be fun to be on that show.

i'm way to drunk to update to make any sense right now. shit, i had to re do almost every sentance o f this entry. i'll upadate tomorrow. fuck i'm goingto be hungover tomorrow. ugh it was a funnight though. loev and respect. b unit78